


Heaven, Halasana and Hookups

by Wolves_of_Innistrad



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), Constantine (TV), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Afterlife, Anal Fingering, Bisexual John Constantine, Bisexual Oliver Queen, Bottom John Constantine, Canon Compliant, Crack, Exhibitionism, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Friends with Benefits, Hand Jobs, John Constantine Kissing Dudes, Large Cock, M/M, Magical Accidents, Making Out, Naked Male Clothed Male, Post-Crisis on Infinite Earths Crossover Event (CW DC TV Universe), Slash, Smut, Top Oliver Queen, Wall Sex, Yoga, mostly - Freeform, you can't tell me it didn't happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:15:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22483204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolves_of_Innistrad/pseuds/Wolves_of_Innistrad
Summary: John fucks up his spell and gets sent to the Afterlife where he runs into none other than Oliver Queen.  As he struggles to find a way home, how will his relationship with Oliver grow and change?
Relationships: John Constantine/Oliver Queen
Comments: 6
Kudos: 60
Collections: Chocolate Box - Round 5





	Heaven, Halasana and Hookups

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alchemise](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alchemise/gifts).



Day 1

John stumbled into a wall, eyes blinking rapidly from the light of the spell he’d just cast nearly blinding him. It was something new, he generally didn’t practice magic he wasn’t sure of the effects of, but this had been a dire situation so he took the chance.

Petty dabbler was on his business card.

As his vision stopped swimming the river Thames he looked around, finding… An office.

“Where the bl-” Constantine coughed on the word, shaking his head. “Where the he-” Again, he couldn't quite say it. “Bug- No? Wan-, really? Bl- FU-!” Each time Constantine choked on the curse before he could get it out.

A soft chuckle came from behind him and Constantine whirled to face the noise.

“Yeah, cussing is not allowed up here it seems. Good to see you John. Or, well, if you’re here I guess it’s not that good,” Oliver says flatly. He quirks his head, staring at John for a moment. “To be honest, didn’t really expect to see you here.”

Constantine sighed, at least this was a familiar face. Although Oliver was supposed to be dead so this was a bit strange. Then again, he was no stranger to time travel. “Where and when are we love? I was just in the middle of a bit of a skirmish, need to get back to the Legends.”

Oliver’s eyes go wide, he looks down for a moment, mouth twisted. “You don’t know what happened then? That’s OK, it can take some time. Getting here is a bit… Disorienting.”

“Where the bl-, fu-! Where are we?” Constantine growled, annoyed with this weird ban on cursing that seemed to have befallen him.

“Heaven? Afterlife? Whatever you want to call it.” Oliver’s words were cautious but there was no hint of deception in them.

Constantine let out a strangled laugh. “Heaven!?” His voice was higher than usual and he ran his fingers through his hair, the other hand searching for his cigarettes and finding they were gone. “Oh come on, not even cigarettes!”

“There’s wine,” Oliver added unhelpfully, only getting a glare from John.

“No, no no no, this is all wrong. I shouldn’t be here.”  
  


Oliver shrugged. “I mean you did join the Legends, and you’ve helped all of us out quite a bit, maybe that redeemed you in someone’s eyes?” Oliver took a step forward, smiling a bit softer at John.

Constantine recoiled, shaking his head. “First of all, no amount of good is redeeming this damned soul. But even if it could, I’m not dead.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m bl-, oh for the love of! Yes, I’m sure.” Constantine rifles through his coat, searching for anything that might help him, but it seems any mystical items he had with him are gone.

“Well, what is the lat thing you remember?”

So Constantine explains what was happening, up to and including his current predicament. Then Oliver explains what little he knows of the afterlife. Or at least, the afterlife John isn’t as used to seeing.

“So then, what’s the plan to get you back where you’re supposed to be?” Oliver’s jaw is set and his eyes are firm and steady, he’s a man on a mission, and clearly glad to help a friend from beyond the pale.

Constantine looks at him and gives a small smile, at least if he has to be stuck here he’s got someone he doesn’t hate tagging along. “Well, I guess I’m going to try to recast the spell, and if that fails… Maybe I can contact Lucifer.” Constantine twists his head around, touching his lips. “Oh, I can say Lucifer, the literal lord of He- Oh come on!” He shakes his head again, hating these ridiculous rules.

Day 3

Constantine flops onto the couch in the middle of the office face first and groans. It’s soft, not as soft as he’d prefer, but he’s slept on far worse. Quite frankly he’s just exhausted. He’s cast and recast and retooled this same spell for the last 2 days straight and it’s taking his toll.

“Maybe you should take a break,” Comes Oliver’s too cheerful voice, where he’s no doubt posted up against the doorway with a smile. John turns and it’s true.

A groan creeps up his throat and Constantine stares at Oliver. “There has to be something I did wrong, some aspect I’m not seeing.”

Oliver’s shoulders rise in a shrug. “Can’t really help you there. But why don’t we go get something to eat, back at the mansion.”

Constantine’s lips lift into a smirk. “I finally get to go to Buckingham?”

A laugh shakes out of Oliver and he walks over and drags John upright. “Come on.”

Day 7

It’s been a week and Constantine is already sick of paradise; if this is the final reward for being a good boy back on Earth he’s not sure it’s much better than his alternative. Sure there’s no one trying to kill him or burning him alive and torturing him, but there’s also no cussing, barely any magic to speak of, and there’s no one else here.

Oliver had explained that the afterlife, at least as he’d experienced it, seemed to be somewhat private. There was an entire city, a world around them, and Oliver had explored it, but rarely met any other souls. He’s seen Laurel a few times, but she apparently wasn’t too happy with Oliver not reviving her when he jump started the universe so they were keeping their distance. John almost wanted to find her just for the drama to break up the monotony of what passes for bliss.

Dragging himself out of bed, Constantine finds his clothes, magically, or more accurately divinely clean and fresh again every morning, and dresses before heading downstairs. The smell of fresh breakfast is enticing at least, and he walks into the room to find Oliver cooking in the expansive kitchen. It’s entirely too domestic, reminds him a bit of Desmond but he shakes that thought away quickly.

After they eat in companionable silence Oliver gets ready and heads back to the office where they’d first met.

“Why do you go there everyday, it’s not like you have to work in Heaven,” Constantine asks.

Oliver just smiles. “I’m waiting for someone. Although I’m hoping it’ll be a long time before they get here. Still, I want to be ready.”

Day 18

If Constantine doesn’t do something soon he’s going to go crazy. No smoking, no drinking, or not enough he can get even wine drunk anyway, and no people around to at least blow off some steam besides Oliver “I’m waiting for my beloved faithfully” Queen. He’s going to pull his hair out at this rate. Doing the only thing he can, he decides to try to calm his mind and his body with some yoga.

Naked yoga, on the grand terrace outside at 6am.

That’s where Oliver finds him halfway through Halasana pose and makes a startled sound. John just laughs, spreading his legs so he can look at Oliver between his own open thighs.

“Morning love.”

“Morning John,” Oliver says, his voice tight. “You know, there’s plenty of empty, private rooms you could do this in.”

“They say sunning the perineum is good for you.”

“What?”

“Sorry, that trend started after you, uh, passed on.”

Oliver rolls his eyes at John and leaves. But John doesn’t miss the way he had glanced back at his ass just before leaving.

Day 42

Last night Constantine got about as close to drunk as he could off of three bottles of vintage wine from the Queen wine cellar and spilled his guts to Oliver. It was kind of embarrassing, but honestly if there’s one person hes going to open up to it might as well be someone who’s dead and can’t possibly let slip his secrets to anyone. In turn, Oliver recounted much of his life story to him.

It’s dreadful, he thinks they’re actually becoming best friends. What have the Legends done to him that barely a month and a half trapped in heaven and he’s having heart to hearts with some angelic billionaire vigilante.

Also, while cursing, cigarettes and other vices seem to be off the table, masturbation and sex dreams surely aren’t and sadly, the starring role in most of those recently has been one Oliver Queen himself. Constantine can’t help it if he has a thing for the big, brawny, brooding types. Besides, he’s the only other person here so…

Day 55

Constantine’s plan to seduce Oliver so he can at least get some action while trapped here has consisted mostly of convincing the man to show off his “Arrow” during some morning naked yoga. He doesn't actually think he’ll take him up on the offer, even after days of prodding, until he walks out onto the terrace and is met with the beautifully sculpted behind of Oliver Queen staring at him.

It takes a moment for his brain to come back online because, well, that’s a gorgeous ass, and the rest of Oliver isn’t bad either, chiseled back and shoulders tensed as he looks out across the grounds, facing away still. He finally turns, giving John an awkward smile, and it takes everything in him not to stare at the rather impressive length hanging between his legs.

Felicity was a lucky, lucky woman it seems.

Getting his brain back in order, he plasters on a smile and swaggers over to Oliver. “So, I finally wore the big bad Green Arrow down huh?”

Oliver smirks. “Wore me down? Not so much. But I figure hey, this is the afterlife, might as well try new things if I have the chance.”

“Atta boy!” Constantine smacks Oliver on the arm before moving to the side. “Well then, let’s begin, just follow along with me, if you can.” He gives him one last appraising look, smirking to try to distract from the way his gaze is cast all over Oliver, before beginning.

That plan, of just teaching Oliver, goes pretty well at first. The man is limber, athletic and poised. However, there are a few poses that seem to be a bit out of his wheelhouse and John comes to the rescue, offering to help push and pull the man into place. If that means he gets his hands on all that rough and corded muscle well, it’s just one of the perks of being an afterlife yoga instructor it seems.

And if that night Constantine takes himself in hand and has one of the most satisfying orgasms since he arrived here, well, that’s also just a perk.

Day 69

He’s certain of it now. Oliver is intentionally not getting this one pose. Now the only problem that arises is whether he’s doing it to annoy Constantine, or to get him to touch him and move closer to correct his stance each time.

For his part, Constantine isn’t complaining, although it’s getting harder not to get an erection when his body is pressed against that wall of muscle Oliver claims is a human body. Today Oliver is being particularly fidgety, making Constantine march over and grab his arm and leg, arching them back into position.

It’s just then that Oliver looks like he’s gone off balance, actually gone off balance, and he grabs at John, dragging him down to the ground on top of him. They land with a thud, and thanks to it being heaven, there’s no injuries. But there are, however, two bodies pressed together. John looks at Oliver and he sees the man feigning surprise for only a moment before there’s a smirk playing at his lips. They notice the other hardness between them at almost the same time, John looking down.

“I knew you were just acting like you couldn’t do the poses.”

Oliver laughs, a low, deep rumble that John can feel in his chest. “Good, I thought I wasn’t being obvious enough.” That’s the last thing he says before Oliver twines his fingers into John’s hair and tugs him into a kiss.

It’s passionate and frenzied and John sinks into it, loses himself in the heady lust of it all. The carnality of it. There’s something intensely erotic about defiling a place like this to him, but even as he thinks it he realizes that sex must not be against the rules if they aren’t being smited right now. Heck, whoever is calling the shots could have neutered them like Ken dolls if they really didn’t want sex. So maybe that whole “be fruitful and multiply thing” didn’t just mean having kids.

All thoughts fly out of his head when a rough, calloused hand wraps around his prick and John moans into the kiss. Oliver gives him a few cursory strokes before peeling his foreskin back and rubbing a thumb against his slit, soaking it in pre-cum. There’s a strangled noise coming from somewhere that John soon realizes is his own throat. He should probably be embarrassed, but this is the best feeling he’s had since he came here and he’s never really been one for shame when it came to sex so he revels in it.

John lets his tongue slip into Oliver’s mouth at the same time as his hand comes to take hold of the man’s cock. He swallows down the bigger man’s moans as they stroke each other in tandem. Even if technically there’s no one around to see them for miles, the idea of having sex outside in broad daylight on the terrace of a sprawling mansion is really doing things for John’s exhibitionism kink. That’s probably why when Oliver suddenly flips him over he goes completely willingly.

Definitely why, he tells himself, even as he feels hands groping his ass and spreads his legs to invite Oliver closer. Totally not because he wants to get dicked down in the afterlife.

Oliver is kneading the globes of his ass with those strong hands, stretching his cheeks apart and John knows what’s coming but he still hisses when he feels a finger rubbing against his hole. “Fu-! Sh-, ugh, not being able to cuss is really going to make dirty talk boring, isn’t it?”

The man just stares down at John, pressing just the pad of his finger inside, teasing him. “Does this feel boring to you?”

John shakes his head, arching his back to try to get more of that tantalizingly thick finger into him. One of his hands is resting on Oliver’s bulging bicep, the other is taking in every inch of that impressive physique. He hasn’t been with a man this stacked since Desmond, and while he’s into just about anything when it comes to people and body types, Oliver is definitely doing it for him today. He grasps one of Oliver’s pecs and is amazed it’s nearly a big as some of the breasts on the women he’s had in his bed.

Leaning up, John begins to mouth at Oliver’s stubbled jaw, sucking a mark there, his fingernails scratching down the man’s back, feeling every strong muscle as Oliver works that finger into him deeper and deeper. His legs wrap around Oliver's waist of their own accord, hips canting up to give the man a better angle to work with. With his free hand he reaches back between them to stroke Oliver’s massive manhood, wondering how he’s even going to take this without lube.

The thought of having to lie back and think of England seems to drift away as Oliver works him up to two, then three fingers, scissoring him open. There’s the familiar burn and stretch of it all, but where normally there might be some pain at going this fast there’s only immense pleasure. So maybe Heaven has its positives after all. John moans into Oliver's mouth as the man leans in, lips and tongue distracting him and swallowing the whine he gives when those adroit fingers slip free.

“Ready?” Oliver asks, he’s stroking both their cocks together, getting them slippery with their combined pre-cum and John can only nod yes. Oliver takes his time, drawing it out, letting his cock slide between John’s open and willing cheeks, toying with his hole by letting the head catch on his rim before pulling away.

John’s just about to flip them over and ride Oliver himself when the man finally presses into him in one long, luxurious glide that has him tipping his head back in a silent moan. Oliver mouths at his neck, at his nipples which are overly sensitive, all while his cock glides in and out, passing over his prostate and making john’s eyes roll back.

Then, without warning, Oliver is picking him up like he weighs nothing. He carries him to the wall before slamming him into it, and then he’s pulling out and thrusting back in. Oliver fucks like a man possessed, and John would know considering he’s had that experience before too, but that was nothing compared to all that compact, controlled power being let loose on him.

A litany of curses try in vain to tumble past his lips, but they’re all cut short, and this time he’s not sure if it’s the rules of this place, or those punishing thrusts that are punching the air out of his lungs that are causing him to break off in gasps.

Oliver wrenches his arms above his head, and it takes John a moment to realize that the only thing keeping him from falling are his wrists being pinioned against the wall and Oliver’s hips and cock thrusting against him and into him. It’s incredibly hot and his thighs clench, trying to hold Oliver tighter, get more even though he already feels so full and so good. Every time that arrow impales him it sends jolts through his entire body. He’s holding off even touching himself because he doesn’t want this to end.

Of course, he realizes he doesn’t have much choice in that matter when he can feel something building low in his stomach. It’s coming from his balls that are drawn up, moving to his chest which is tight, his lips are loose and pliant and he can’t control his body in that moment.

Oliver has moved closer now, fucking him with wild abandon against the wall. John’s eyes go dark and he starts mumbling magical phrases unbidden, too fucked out to know what he’s doing. It keeps building and building and he’s about to have the most intense orgasm of his life. Right when he hears Oliver grunt and find his release deep inside him, John tips over the edge, magic rushes through his entire body at the same moment as the orgasm and he blacks out from the sheer intensity of the combination.

* * *

When Constantine comes to he’s surrounded by the Legends, Sara glaring down at him while the others are either intently avoiding him or leering. It takes a moment for him to wipe the startled, euphoric smile off his face at what had just happened. But then he looks down and notices he’s naked with cum cooling all over his hairy stomach as the rest of the team waits for an explanation.

“Spell went wrong. Long story, no one died yeah?”

“You’re lucky no one died while you were off sowing your wild oats,” Sara says, but he can tell she’s trying to hide a smile beneath the veneer of being pissed.

* * *

And well, if Constantine uses that same spell to get out of trouble from time to time, and if he drops trough and leans over for Oliver to take him against the desk from behind, he thinks of it as just keeping an old friend company while he waits for his true love. And that’s a pretty noble cause in his book.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Alchemise during the Chocolate Box Round 5! I hope you like this, tried to combine a few things you wanted with a slightly different idea for a surprise.
> 
> As always a big thanks to all my Wonderful Readers for all the comments, kudos and subs!


End file.
